The One and Three Quarter Towers

New version of this opus posted January 27, 2003. The older version is available here.

		   THE ONE AND THREE QUARTER TOWERS,

				being
			 AN ABRIDGED VERSION 
				  of

			    THE TWO TOWERS,

			  by Randolph Carter

     An homage to Peter Jackson's grand vision of J.R.R. Tolkien.

			    Version 0.2.4

			       FOREWORD

As many fellow Tolkien fans will agree, the recently released movie by
Mr. Jackson is not precisely the "Two Towers" we expected. It's more
like "One and One Quarter Towers" or perhaps at best "One and One Half
Towers". Even if approached very charitably, it's no more than 1 3/4,
but definitely not 2. The movie is clearly lacking something, despite
it brilliant photography, acting and the amazing achievement of the
artists John Howe and Alan Lee.

We maintain that it is further development of various gratuitous story
and character changes, which at first seem like random atrocities
against Tolkien's original text. It is our humble purpose to provide
the same. No offence is implied or intended against the Author or his Book.

			 -------------------

PLAINS of ROHAN. ARAGORN, LEGOLAS and GIMLI follow the Uruk-hai band.
EOMER and his COMPANY ride up.

				EOMER

   Spare horses! Get your free spare horses! Fine pre-owned horses!

			       ARAGORN

    Have you seen our friends the hobbits? They are just about as
	   tall as the dwarf here, but much less annoying.

				GIMLI

  We dwarfs are very dangerous over SHORT distances. Short. Get it?
			     Bwa-hah-ha.

				EOMER

 You travelled with this dwarf for three days? Your deed will be sung
			   in many a hall!

			       ARAGORN

   That's OK, we kept ahead out of hearing range most of the time.
       So what about our friends? They were kidnapped by orcs.

				EOMER

  Well, we just killed some orcs. They did not want our fine horses.
		     (Looks pointedly at Aragorn)

                               ARAGORN

		    Did you kill our friends too?

				EOMER

What would you want us to do - count the bodies or maybe look for some
 emblem? We Riders of Rohan aren't that smart. In fact, we can't even
   count. We just kill everyone and burn every corpse. Sorry, dude.


		      Aragorn stands speechless. 


                                EOMER
				   
We have our own business to mind these days. Theoden exiled me from
Edoras, so I took away all of his army as well, bwahaha! Oh, by the
way, we have two spare horses, take them. And now, if you'll excuse
me, I have 300 leagues to ride so that Gandalf has some fun catching
up with us later. Don't you have anything of value to give us for our
			     fine horses?

			       ARAGORN

	   No, but you can take the dwarf as a collateral.

  The horses are thrust upon Aragorn and Legolas, and the Riders of
Rohan ride away at full speed. 


				GIMLI

	      Well, these guys sure have SHORT tempers.

  ARAGORN and LEGOLAS roll their eyes. They are joined by the AUDIENCE.

			 -------------------

EOWYN's CHAMBER in EDORAS. GRIMA WORMTONGUE is here, sweet talking
to EOWYN, and almost getting to stroke her cheek.

				EOWYN

  You certainly know how to turn a girl's head. In fact, you say the
  nicest things a man said to a woman in this movie so far. But you
	   stole them from Gandalf and from the Author too.

	    EOWYN shoves GRIMA away just when he is about
			    to touch her chin.

				EOWYN

   Therefore: Your words are poison, and I'd rather date a Nazgul!

     She storms out and lets her handkerchief fly into the wind.

				GRIMA

	 Man, I hate it when people learn the books by heart!

			    PETER JACKSON

      Those rabid fans will soon feel my wrath! I won't let them
	       stand in the way of my creative vision.
   Let us seek the counsel of the mightiest wizard of Middle-earth.

			 -------------------

The following scene was later cut from the film. But this is the
extended DVD edition, right?

The RING of ISENGARD. Before the great doors of ORTHANC are THEODEN's
PARTY, PETER JACKSON and HIS SCRIPTWRITERS. SARUMAN addresses them
from the balcony, using his VOICE.

			   VOICE of SARUMAN

...I say, Theoden King: shall we have peace and friendship, you and I?
It is ours to command. 

			       THEODEN

We will have peace. Yes, we will have peace -- Yeah, that sounds GREAT.
	      I'm sure we'll have a GREAT time. Bye now.

			       SARUMAN

		  Sure thing, pal. Be seeing you.

		    THEODEN leaves with his PARTY.

			   VOICE of SARUMAN

Dotard! What is the house of Eorl but a thatched barn where peasants
drink beer and smoke weed? I know not why I have had the patience to speak 
to him. For I need him not, nor his little band of gallopers, as swift
to fly as to advance.

			    PETER JACKSON
			      
    Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You definitely got the right angle here.
		     Thanks for the insight, man.
    Could you do me a favour and repeat that for my scriptwriters?

	SCRIPTWRITERS start jotting down SARUMAN's dictation.

			   SARUMAN's VOICE

...thatched barn... peasants... little band of gallopers... swift to fly...

		    SCRIPTWRITERS scribble away.

			       SARUMAN

Yes, and the Ents are stupid and can't see things right under their noses.

			    PETER JACKSON

	    Yeah, this sounds just RIGHT. You got it, man!

		    SCRIPTWRITERS scribble away.

			 -------------------

GOLDEN HALL in Edoras. It looks somewhat like a thatched barn. THEODEN
sits on his throne, his face covered in cobwebs and layers of plastic.
GRIMA WORMTONGUE and his GANG hover nearby. GANDALF, ARAGORN, LEGOLAS
and GIMLI approach, unchallenged.  The assembled PEASANTS stare at
them.

			       ARAGORN

 You find more cheer in a graveyard. Look, this place used to have a
			     golden roof.

				 HAMA

	   Please leave your weapons in that dusty corner.

			       ARAGORN

   Sure, no big deal. Have my sword, it's only the Blade of Elendil
That Was Broken and Reforged Again. You probably never heard about it.

				 HAMA

Oh, we get to see plenty of those around here. And that badass-looking staff too,
			     please, Sir.

		      GANDALF (winks at Aragorn)

Come, these are not the droids.. er.. would you deprive an old man of his
			    walking stick?

				 HAMA

		These are not.. er.. Come on in then.

They enter into the formerly golden HALL. There is strange smoke 
wafting in the air, and GIMLI starts sniffing suspiciously right away.

		    GRIMA WORMTONGUE and his GANG

 Go away! We don't want you warmongering types here! Say no to war!

		      WORMTONGUE'S GANG (chants)

	     SAY ... NO ... TO ... WAR ... SAY ... NO ...

				GIMLI

	   Shut up you hippie! I hate f** peacenik hippies!

     GIMLI kicks WORMTONGUE's ass, while LEGOLAS and ARAGORN take
on the GANG. PEASANTS continue looking on. 

			       GANDALF

The size of your hall has somewhat lessened of late, Theoden, son of
Thengel! It used to be much larger. I also notice that the tapestries
   are gone from the walls, and gold from the roof, too. Has Saruman
      stopped around here lately with his store of hobbit weed?

	THEODEN's eyes are glazed over. He mutters something.

			   SARUMAN's voice

			     Bwa-hah-ha!

			       GANDALF

Saruman, go away! You are supposed to be in Orthanc, raising an army.
This is the Two Towers, not Exorcist IV! And you are supposed to
	   speak in demonic basso when you are possessing.

			       SARUMAN

  Well, they used it all up for Galadriel's Temptation scene. Banish
  me, and I'll spew green puke all over your brand new white robes,
		just like in that movie!  Bwa-hah-ha!

			       GANDALF

 Oh no you won't! Take that! and that! and that! VINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!

THEODEN flies out of this throne and crashes on the floor. We see
another demonstration of what wizard's wands are REALLY good
for. Cobwebs and plastic fall off THEODEN's face. We see that he is
actually middle-aged and has red hair and a red beard. PEASANTS stare
on.

			       ARAGORN

   Would someone please open a window? This place hasn't been aired
			      for weeks!

GIMLI opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by the AUDIENCE.

			       AUDIENCE

     No, for the love of Tolkien, not another short joke, please!
			      
			    PETER JACKSON

       Ha-ha, wait until we get to the battle of the Hornburg!

			       THEODEN

     Gandalf? Where is Saruman? Wasn't he here just a moment ago? 
	He sure grows some serious weed in that tower of his.

			       GANDALF

   Lo! Now that I cured you, we can all go to war, and you can lead
			your glorious eoreds to battle!

			       THEODEN

Why would I do that? War sucks! We will all go to Helms Deep and hide
there instead.  Besides, I haven't got any eoreds, Eomer took the only
	  one I had 300 leagues north with him or something.
		    There are only peasants here.

			PEASANTS keep staring.

			       GANDALF

     Sh*t! I am off after Eomer. Aragorn, you take over. Try not
 to fall over any cliffs. Look for me on the dawn of the third.. er..
			      fifth day!

			  GANDALF rides off.

				GIMLI

     Looks like we are a little SHORT of warriors here, heh-heh!
	       Is there any of that Halfling leaf left?

			       THEODEN

		Nay, master dwarf, there's only beer.

    GIMLI drinks beer and burps loudly. PEASANTS erupt into cheer.

			 The AUDIENCE groans.

			 -------------------

Meanwhile MERRY and PIPPIN follow a path into FANGORN FOREST.

				MERRY

		      Do you think we lost them?

				PIPPIN

Do you mean the orcs or the audience? Not quite yet, in both cases,
	       but Treebeard will soon help with both.

				 ORC

			 Bleh-bleh-bleh-bleh!

			   MERRY AND PIPPIN

				AYEEE!

MERRY and PIPPIN clamber onto a tree, which turns out to be TREEBEARD,
who is apparently not very fond of having his nose grabbed by anybody. 
He squishes the ORC, and regards the hobbits suspiciously.

			      TREEBEARD

      Who might you be? The WHITE WIZARD will tell me that!

			       AUDIENCE

	    What suspense! Who might this be? Oh, do tell.

We see the back of SOMEONE's white robes, then cut right away to some
other scene.

			       AUDIENCE

    Dammit, who was that? Saruman? Galdalf? Or just some guy dressed up 
			     like a ghost?

			    PETER JACKSON

		Behold the mysteries of Middle-earth!

			 -------------------

Later, in FANGORN FOREST, the ENTS are Mooting. MERRY and
PIPPIN walk nearby, awaiting their decision.

			      TREEBEARD

  Congratulations, Merry! You are already a winner! We have finally
	      decided that you are not, in fact, an orc.

				MERRY

       What? Didn't the White Wizard tell you that already?

			      TREEBEARD

Let us not be hasty now. There is a reason why this meeting is called a "moot"!
  What if you could have *become* an orc since I last talked to him?
	And besides, what do you think our brains are made of?

				PIPPIN

				Wood?

			      TREEBEARD

Exactly. It takes us time to wrap them around simple ideas. They are
	 not very bendable, you know. And now we must decide
		      if Pippin here is an orc.

				MERRY

	When do you get to decide whether to attack Isengard?

			      TREEBEARD

Oh, I am afraid that is quite out of the question yet. First, we must
  elect a Praesidium, and then decide our positions with respect to
 the lumber industry, strip mining and Hollywood moviemaking that is
  based on the premise that all important decisions have to be made
 spectacularly on the spur of the moment when it is almost too late.

Hours of Mooting pass. PIPPIN delivers one of the most poignant,
moving and mature orations in the entire film, and no one seems to
notice.

				MERRY

	   I give up. Why don't you guys just send us home?

				PIPPIN

   Yeah, and bring us to Isengard, which is in exactly the opposite
	 direction, so that we can slip by it totally unseen,
		       being so small and all?

			      TREEBEARD

OK, that makes sense, I suppose. I am not very good at geography or logic,
		you know. Which way is Isengard, then?

				PIPPIN

      Go south. Actually, it's South-west, but who cares? No one
	   pays attention to maps or distances here anyway.

TREEBEARD approaches Isengard. The camera looks on lots of charred treestumps,
coal pits etc.

				MERRY

	       Do you see anything out of the ordinary?

			      TREEBEARD

	You mean, that the entire Ent Moot has followed us here?

			       PIPPIN

  No, that's just fine. I mean, do you notice anything out of order
		     *right in front of your nose?*

			      TREEBEARD

No, why? There is Orthanc, and the stone walls, and ironworks, and coal pits,
		and... O MY GOD! SARUMAN, YOU BASTARD!

TREEBEARD emits a very loud trumpeting sound, and all the other Ents
join in. PIPPIN vainly tries to get his attention.

				PIPPIN

Are you going to confer and lay down some careful plans for attack now?

			      TREEBEARD

	What? Plans? Bother plans! LET'S KICK SOME WIZARD ASS!

Ents hum and trumpet very briefly in general consent, then descend on
Isengard and tear it to pieces, breaking a conveniently located nearby
dam in the process. The entire Ring of Isengard is immediately
flooded, and they hardly seem to notice.

			       SARUMAN

    Damn! I would have gotten away with this, if it wasn't for those
			  meddling hobbits!

			 -------------------

PINNACLE of ZIRAK-ZIGIL. Near the ruins of broken DURIN's TOWER lies
GANDALF, apparently lifeless. Stars wheel above in what faintly
resembles a STAR TREK wormhole effect.

A HORSE approaches GANDALF, and nuzzles his face gently.  GANDALF
stirs and moves his lips. Apparently, he is having a very pleasant
dream.


			       AUDIENCE

	What the hell? Where the heck did the horse come from?

			     SCRIPWRITERS

Horses are found in unlikely places. Remember Bill the Pony?  He did
not set out from Rivendell but had to be set free at the gates of
Moria. That's not the last mystery wandering horse either, you just wait.

A huge EAGLE swoops down. We expect him to take GANDALF to Lorien, but
instead he picks up the HORSE and disappears due South-east (well,
that's actually South-west. My bad.). Another MAJOR CHARACTER is in
need of a sultry luscious dream following a near-fatal tumble off a
cliff. GANDALF's eyes are still closed, his expression serene and
happy.

			       AUDIENCE

		   Awww, that's so sweet and funny!
		     (Pelts ME with rotten fruit)

			 -------------------

The citadel of HORNBURG. Elvish horns sound, and a company of Elves in
gear of war passes through the gates. Their leader is HALDIR. ARAGORN
comes out to greet them.

			   HALDIR of LORIEN

 We've come to honour the ancient treaty. Elrond of Rivendell sent us here.
			I am Haldir of Lorien.

			       ARAGORN

 Greetings, Haldir of Lorien. You come to us in an hour of dire need.
	    Where did you say your company comes from?

				HALDIR

	    My company marched from Lorien, day and night.

			       ARAGORN

 Yet Elrond of Rivendell sent you here? Does he dwell in Lorien now?

				HALDIR

       Elrond tarries yet in Rivendell, he comes not to Lorien. 

			       ARAGORN

      But it was not from Rivendell that you set out to our aid?

				HALDIR

	 Indeed not. From Lorien I came, drawn by your need.

			       ARAGORN

   What news of Elrond's house then? Fain I am to hear news of it,
			as doubtless you know.

				HALDIR
			 
     No news of Elrond's house I bring, for I had not been there
in many a year. Long and perilous are the roads that lead over the mountains,
	    between the Golden Wood and the Last Homely House.

			       ARAGORN

      Yet Elrond's counsel brings you here? Is that not strange?

				HALDIR

Well, actually it was Galadriel all along, but since she is
universally misunderstood and feared here in Rohan, we say it was
Elrond and hope that they will be none the wiser. Have you noticed
that geography is not exactly their strongest point?

			       ARAGORN

	    I see. Blessed is the hour of our meeting.

			 -------------------

Walls of the Hornburg. The ORCS are mustered in the coomb below. The
burg's DEFENDERS are taking up positions, preparing for the assault,
except, of course, the ROHAN PEASANTS, who just continue being
useless. GIMLI is examining the battlements, much annoyed.

				GIMLI

 Lousy human workmanship! Have they ever heard of the Numenorean Burg
  Building Code? "Sheltered by a parapet over which only a tall man
could look", not "just a little taller than a stately dwarf warrior"!
  And where are "clefts in the stone through which men could shoot",
    and a dwarf warrior might peek, I ask you? Does anyone happen
		      to have a box around here?

			       LEGOLAS

    Here, friend. It's a box with Tolkien's books ordered for the
		    scriptwriters. It is unopened.

			 GIMLI (with feeling)
				   
			  Bless you, laddie!
				   
	   EVERYONE turns and looks at GIMLI with surprise.

				GIMLI
				   
	 What? So I am a Scottish dwarf, what's the big deal?
	       Don't you people have a battle to fight?

			       AUDIENCE

      Yes, can we have a battle scene, please, and have a break
     from witty dialogue for a while? Pretty please, nice Master?

                        -------------------

The thick of the battle of the HORNBURG. The ORCS are yelling, shooting
arrows and trying to scale the walls. The ELVES of LORIEN are busy
fighting them off, while a small group of ROHIRRRIM PEASANTS is
looking on, not knowing what to do.

			     URUK CAPTAIN

		  Attack! You will taste man-flesh!

				URUKS

Yeah, right! This battle SUCKS! There is hardly one of them for each
20 of us, and they promised at least one for each three! And what do
we get instead? Totally inedible and m**ing mean elves! This is a
f** bait-and-switch!

			     URUK CAPTAIN

    Well, you should have read the fine print when you signed up.
  Next time you deal with them wizards, you better watch out, ha-ha!
			      Now march!

A piece of wall blows up, the blast hurls huge blocks of stone into
the air.  They fall mainly on the attackers, inflicting large casualties.
We see URUK CAPTAIN getting squashed by one.

				URUKS
 
	    F**ing smart-ass wizards! Waste of good meat!

			 -------------------

A lull in the battle. ORCS are preparing to attack the great
gates. ARAGORN stands above the gates, his empty hand raised palm
outward in token of parley. GIMLI, in full armour, stands close to
him, but he is almost completely hidden behind the broken remains of
the parapet.

				 ORCS

  Booo! Booo-hooo! Show us the king, not this pathetic vascillating
		    skirt-chasing heir-in-denial!


			       ARAGORN

Don't you Uruks understand character development? Anyway, I have this to
 say: No enemy has yet taken the Hornburg. Depart, or not one of you
will be spared. Not one will be left alive to take back tidings to the
		  North. You do not know your peril.

		       ORCS roar with laughter.

	       ARAGORN raises GIMLI above the parapet.

			       ARAGORN

    Behold, I have a Dwarf here, and I am not afraid to toss him!
				   
				GIMLI

		    Baruk Khazad! Khazad ai-menu!

  The ORCS exchange confused looks. ARAGORN whispers in GIMLI's ear.

				GIMLI

	 Oops, sorry. SHORT time no see, you orcish bastards!
	       Want SHORTER acquaintaince with my axe?

   The ORCS are taken aback, and start edging away from the gates.

				GIMLI

	Just don't tell the Elf, it will SHORT him right out.

The ORCS turn and run, tumbling off the causeway. The gates are safe
for the moment.

			 -------------------

Inner chamber of the burg. THEODEN and ARAGORN are here, talking.
Some HORSES stand in the background.

			       THEODEN

I serve little purpose here. In fact, all of my Eorlings appear completely
irrelevant. With a thousand on horseback, and two thousand of Gamling's
and Erkenbrand's swordsmen on foot we could have had a fighting chance,
	but with 300 untrained peasants against ten thousand?

		  THEODEN bows his head in despair.

			       THEODEN

		  Where now the horse and the rider?
		 Where is the horn that was blowing?
	      Where the heck are they when I need them?
				   
			       ARAGORN

    My words exactly. But you are forgetting the Elves from.. uh..
	    that Elvish place of theirs, and also Gandalf
	 promised to show up on the morning of the fifth day.
     Normally he doesn't name the hour, nor foretells the manner
      of his coming, so this time he must have REALLY meant it.

			       THEODEN

What good is this counsel to me? Don't you remember that I can't count?
			 When would that be?

	    ARAGORN counts on his fingers, then looks out
			    of the window.

			       ARAGORN

       That would be just about now. By the way, you must still
	       have the Horn of Helm. Let us sound it!

			       THEODEN

	   Have you seen it? It's HUGE. No man can wind it.

			       ARAGORN

      Let the dwarf try. He is full of hot air. That might even
			  deflate him a bit.

			 -------------------

GIMLI blows into the HORN. The HORN is obviously a stationary model of
a long forgotten technology, a veritable mainframe of a horn that came
built-in with the burg itself. The great HORN sounds. Everyone is
momentarily deafened, except the PEASANTS who keep staring from the walls
with uninterrupted intensity.

			       ARAGORN

		       Behold the White Rider!
     He has brought us the.. umm.. a hundred used horse salesmen?

				GIMLI

	What did you expect? A bunch of trees out of Fangorn?

			       ARAGORN

			 Uh, actually -- yes.

EOMER's CAVALRY, all 100 of them, charge down a steep (at least 45
degrees) slope down onto the spears of the orcs. GANDALF leads
them. It looks like the horses are just about to impale themselves on
the URUKS' spears.

			       AN URUK

 Dude, this is pretty fucked right here. Not even a wolf can gallop 
		       down a hill this steep.

			     ANOTHER URUK
			     
	    They must be tilting the camera or something.

			      THIRD URUK

	 Who is that crazy bloke in white? Not another wizard!?

			       FAT URUK

		  F*ck this, guys. I am going ho--oo--me!

			     OTHER URUKS

   Yeah, f*ck this! Even sitting in a vat in that lab made more sense.

URUKS throw down their spears and walk away as RIDERS of ROHAN and their
steeds tumble in heaps down the hill. The battle of the Hornburg is won!
But the battle for Middle-earth is just beginning. Duh.

The PEASANTS look baffled and start fretting. Finally, one of them turns and
addresss the AUDIENCE.

			       PEASANT

     Um, excuse me, we were given to understand that a company of
		  walking trees was to perform here?

			       AUDIENCE

    Well, tough. They only did one show, and that was at Isengard.
	   Come back next year, or wait for a DVD release!

			 -------------------

The REFUGE of HENNETH ANNUN. It doesn't look like much, really.
Funny, it used to be one of my most favorite places in the book.

			       FARAMIR

And so the Ring will go to Minas Tirith as a birthday present for my
   father. And you thought I would let you go on your silly quest?
	 They didn't call me Boromir's Evil Twin for nothing.

			  CAPTAIN of GONDOR

	  Faramir, our homes in Osgiliath are under attack!

			    SAMWISE GAMGEE

   But I thought that Osgiliath was deserted and in its ruins only
	    shadows walked, even before Rohan was founded!

			  CAPTAIN of GONDOR

Well, think again, buster. Look at this supposedly millitary map that
	   doesn't even have major roads marked. See, here
			    is Osgiliath.

			    SAMWISE GAMGEE

   Well, at least Osgiliath is more than half-way to Minas Morgul.
       If Merry and Pin got a lift across Rohan with orcs, why
     shouldn't we get a lift with Men of Gondor through Ithilien?

			 -------------------

RUINS of OSGILIATH. FRODO, SAM, FARAMIR and FARAMIR's MEN are
hiding amount the ruins. The NAZGUL are flying overhead, their
FLYING BEASTs kick major ass.

			     NAZGUL KING

	   I love ruined cities. All these wind tunnels and
     rising air currents! My beast can hover on them just like a
		 'thopter. What fun! I love this job!

			    SECOND NAZGUL

		You thought that horses were fun, too.
	"She's just a chick, no Elf-lord from beyond the Seas,
		       what can she do to us?"

			     NAZGUL KING

	      Well, I am not making that mistake again.
	 Luckily, our sources say that she left for the West.

			    SECOND NAZGUL

	Dude, next time you see a weird chick with a sword --
     you do what we do -- you run. Or fly. You fly your ass off!

The NAZGUL KING is apparently unconcerned. He goes back to practicing
his hovering routine.

				FRODO

		It's all wrong. We shouldn't be here.
	     But wait and see what I am going to do next!

FRODO climbs on top of a ruined building, and offers the RING to the
hovering NAZGUL KING.

				FRODO

			 Here, take the Ring!

			     NAZGUL KING

	   Frodo is offering me the Ring. What should I do?
   I will follow the general direction of this movie, and NOT take
the Ring, and THEN change my mind when it's almost too late.

		   NAZGUL KING banks and takes off.

			    SAMWISE GAMGEE

			  Aha! Tricked you!

   SAM pulls FRODO down, and almost gets skewered for his trouble by the sword
      that was supposed to be taken from Frodo a few scenes ago.
	       FARAMIR appears from behind the rubble.

			       FARAMIR

    I see now that you are really serious about your quest, Frodo.
I will let you proceed to the Mount Doom. It sure beats having that
	      winged Nazgul on my ass all the way home.
   
			  CAPTAIN of GONDOR

    But then your life will be forfeit when your father finds out.

			       FARAMIR

Well, which one would you rather deal with: the Nazgul or your father?

			       CAPTAIN

	       Good point. Good luck, Ring-bearer!

			 -------------------

			   TO BE CONTINUED

© Randolph Carter, 2002 - rcarter@mathom.org